I have officially been in the United States for a month now. I have been trying to write this post for the past three weeks. However I have struggled to come up with the words to describe the roller coaster of emotions the past 5 weeks have been. The last blog post was about the what if, this is the aftermath.
Here is an excerpt of what I wrote three weeks ago:
I have been back in the United States for 5 days now. It was last Thursday (March 12th) when I got the news that I had to return home. I woke up to texts, e-mails, and phone calls from almost everyone I knew asking if I had seen Trumps announcement regarding restrictions on entering the US from Europe. Then it was a quick google search to see that the CDC had placed all of Europe at a level 3. Then it was just a waiting game to hear that my program had been cancelled and I had until March 20th to return home.
From Thursday until Sunday morning when I left Grenoble was a roller coaster of emotions. I was exhausted. I hardly slept due to stress about getting home safely and trying to take in my last days and hours with my new friends in such an amazing city. We shopped for souvenirs, tried new restaurants, and spent time with our host families. Here are some photos from my last couple of days:
My flight back into the US went surprisingly smoothly. Once I landed in Detroit I was able to make it through customs and CDC screening in just under an hour. The screening process for COVID-19 went pretty smoothly. When I was boarding the plane in Amsterdam they gave me a health form to fill out on the plane. Then once I got to the airport I went through one customs stop. Then I waited in line where they checked the form. Then I was taken into a room where they made you turn your phones off. They took the form and checked my temperature. I didn't have a fever so I moved on. I got a small speech on how to self-isolated and track symptoms for 14 days. Then off I went. It was super easy and took very little time. I was even able to make my connection to Des Moines and didn't have to spend the night in Detroit.
Now I am back home in Iowa and I have about 9 days left in my quarantine. My university in France has moved my classes online. Next week I will have midterms online. It is not easy doing language classes online, however it is necessary to be flexible and patient in times like these.
From this experience I definitely learned that sometimes tomorrow is not guaranteed. The plans that you have for a month or two down the rode may never happen. In our last days in Grenoble all of my friends were talking about what they won't get to do. I won't get to go to Paris. I won't get to go to Morocco. I won't get to try out that restaurant I wanted. Or see the flowers bloom in the spring time. And at the time that was what I was feeling too. I was thinking about all of the things that I had planned on or hoped to do, but will never get the chance. But what about all of the things I got to do? I was able to visit 6 other countries. I hiked and snowshoed in the Alpes. I can now watch a movie in French and for the most part know what is going on. I can navigate public transit and get around new cities and airports. So while there is a lot that I won't get to do because my time was cut short in Grenoble, that does not need to make the experience I had any less meaningful.
And here are some of my thoughts today:
I was talking to one of my friends from my study abroad program the other day. I think what she says sums it up nicely. It's hard to be excited and optimistic about being back in the US when you can't go and do the things you enjoy or see the people you miss. You don't even have things you can look forward to because everything is so uncertain right now.
But there is beauty in that. Learning to live in uncertainty is not easy but it pushes us in ways we didn't think possible. It also gives time for reflection. Over the past couple weeks I have been reflecting a lot over my time in Europe. I look back at my struggles with the language and my host family and laugh. I think of my trip through Eastern Europe and remember all the fun I had with some amazing people.
My seven months in Europe turned into two. This is something that I still haven't completely come to terms with. And in the future I may always wonder what could have been. But I do know that it was out of my hands and while it is disappointing something amazing may come out of this experience that I never expected. Now it is just time to wait and see when and where my next adventure will take me.
One of the hardest goodbyes :(
